Belle Ellen Milagre, Space Nurse
by medcat
Summary: A collab with Captain Facepalm. A Mary Sue parody; originally written for a challenge in the great tales comm on LJ. A super-nurse shows a few so-called experts that they are not as expert as they think! With apologies to the author of Cherry Ames, Nurse books.


**A/N: **Written for the Challenge 205 in the great_tales LJ comm, which was to deliberately create an over-the-top Mary Sue. (Have a look at the comm, all the stories for that challenge were most entertaining!)

This story is a collab with Captain Facepalm, a good friend and a far better writer than I, do take a look at her fics if you haven't already :)

* * *

_Captain's Log._

_Stardate: 5121.6_

_I have led the rescue party to the M-Class Planetoid MS2013 where young Ensign Ritter was unexpectedly attacked by an electric orchid-like mushroom. Apparently he had touched its beautiful flower and it erupted, sending a shower of scorching sparks all over his red security uniform. Warning everyone to avoid the lush green vegetation, I observed Dr. McCoy's attempts to revive the young man._

"He's dead, Jim. I'm...very sorry..."

Suddenly, Belle was there. Everyone, male and female alike, could not help diverting their attention from the drama unfolding in front of them to admire her, and like the parting of the Martian Sea, they made way for her to pass. And Belle was well worth admiring. She was slender and healthy and well-built; she moved with a proud erect posture that made her seem beautifully tall and slim. Her eyes and her short curly hair were very dark, almost black-the clear-cut black that glistens. Groomed to crisp perfection, Belle was as vivid as a poster in her deep blue uniform. And her face fairly sparkled with warmth and humor. She pushed a wayward lock of raven hair behind her ear.

"Stand aside, Dr. McCoy! You're doing it all _wrong_!"

"Dammit Jim, who is this... _this_... "

"I believe this is Nurse Milagre, Dr. McCoy. She was part of the new crew complement we took on board yesterday at Starbase 10."

"Thank _you_, Mr. Spock."

"I said, _move_!" She elbowed McCoy aside, falling to her knees next to the hapless ensign, and started chest compressions.

"One, two, three...thirty," pulling a face shield from her medi-kit, she delivered two rescue breaths, "one, two" and continued the cycle.

Two minutes of CPR complete, and not a hair on her head rumpled, she was not even out of breath as she paused in her efforts to berate Dr. McCoy. McCoy was just standing there, stunned and speechless for once, at her audacity and her beauty.

"Really, Dr. McCoy, are you going to help me or just stand there-where's the cardiostimulator?! Set it to 200 Joules, will you? Don't argue, just do as I say!"

"All clear!"

_ZAPP!_

The ensign suddenly sat up and looked around, puzzled.

McCoy managed to find his voice to ask,

"How do you feel, kid?"

"Like I've been kissed by an angel..." the revived bedazzled redshirt cooed.

Kirk and McCoy kept silent, but the expressions of boundless admiration on their faces spoke more loudly than any words could. Taking in the scene, Spock cleared his throat.

"My compliments, Miss Milagre, on such professional work. I am certain Dr. McCoy agrees with me in that regard, do you not, _Doctor_?"

McCoy favored Spock with one of the blackest looks in his not-inconsiderable repertoire.

"Well, ladies and gentlemen," Kirk mustered up his most charming grin, in a failed attempt to bring the situation back to normal, "shall we beam back to the ship?" Pulling out his communicator, he commanded, "Beam us up, Scotty!"

"Just a tic, Captain," came the response. "One of the transporter pads needs repairing. It'll be another fifteen minutes."

"Fifteen?!"

"I'll do my best, Captain...Scott out."

Five minutes to the second later, Kirk heard the transporter hum (never was it so welcome) and smiled inwardly; Scott had, no doubt, worked another miracle.

But Belle was not convinced.

"Stand aside, Mr. Scott! You're doing it all _wrong!_"

Edging Scott aside, she peered at the transporter pads and at the blueprints Scott was holding.

"Mr. Scott! It wouldn't have taken more than 5 minutes, at the very most, to execute that repair! Why did you tell the Captain it would take 15?!"

"Lassie, you dinna understand..."

At this point, Kirk spoke up. "Mr. Scott, I think we need to have a little chat about your previous time and cost estimations... "

Scotty did not like the sound of that at all.

The landing party left the transporter room. McCoy took Ensign Ritter to Sickbay, grumbling about "newfangled ideas" and "have to make sure you're okay". Kirk turned to Nurse Milagre and, with his most dazzling smile, offered, "Won't you come to the bridge with Mr. Spock and myself? I would like to have your opinion on some of our methods." She agreed, with an equally charming smile of her own.

She observed everything for some time, and Kirk (along with the rest of the bridge crew) was observing her.

Spock bent over his science station, attempting to analyze the spatial incongruity around the planetoid. McCoy came up to the bridge, reporting to Captain Kirk that Ensign Ritter was quite recovered and would be back to regular duty his next shift.

Suddenly, Belle moved next to Spock.

"Stand aside, Mr. Spock! You're doing it all _wrong!_"

Spock raised an eyebrow in what would otherwise be interpreted as annoyance were he not a Vulcan and murmured, "Fas. Cin. A. Ting..."

'So, Spock, how does it feel?' McCoy asked with glee.

'_Feel_, Doctor?'

'To be told how to do your job.'

'I _was_ doing my job. I had not tried that EM bandwidth yet because I was working in sequence to eliminate possible interfere-'

McCoy snorted something about a pig's eye. Spock could never really get the hang of the doctor's use of curious metaphors.

Belle remarked that she'd just go see how Mr. Scott is getting along with his repair plans, and swept away to the Transporter Room. Exchanging a glance, Kirk and McCoy followed, irresistibly drawn by her brilliance and beauty.

When they arrived in the Transporter Room, the warning lights were flashing.

"Stand by, Captain," said Mr. Scott. "I have discovered the source of the spatial anomaly Mr. Spock was analyzing."

Suddenly, a peculiar blue box appeared on the transporter pad. And a rumpled-looking, bowtie-sporting fellow stepped out.

"Erm, hello?" he ventured.

Belle huffed in disgust.

"Stand aside, Doctor! You're doing it all _wrong!_"

She leaped into the TARDIS, snatching the Doctor's sonic screwdriver from his hand on her way, leaving him dumbfounded.

"Well?" she demanded. "Are you just going to stand there, _Doctor_, or do you want to see how it _should_ be done?!"

With a resigned look and a shy wave, he slunk inside, the door swung shut, and the TARDIS vanished, taking Belle and the Doctor into the infinite reaches of Time and Space.

"Did she just abandon ship?" exclaimed a stupefied Kirk.

"Are you going to report it?" McCoy snorted.

"I'm not even sure what there is to report."

They all looked around the now empty transporter room, trying to comprehend what had transpired.

'Although, it should be expected,' said McCoy.

'How so?'

'Nurses are always telling Doctors what to do.'

The End (or is it?)


End file.
